Is Online Dating hard?
Completely; yes; very much are the answers from 95% of the people, when you ask them about online dating.
Some of the people drop online dating and choose to go organically. I have to admit that this always makes me smile… Sounds like going Vegan. I tell them that at home I’m Vegan but outside of the house I eat whatever I want – food is not a religion for me. Why can’t it be the same in dating? Online dating is just another way, option, to get to what you want – you can have it all. If it is a life partner, a causal relationship or you name your combination, there is more than one way to get there.
I agree online dating can be very hard, but I also think that many people take it too seriously too soon in the game. It is all about your attitude.
What do I mean?
Beth is looking to start a family. She is in her late twenties and every date is a promise for a future husband and a father for her dream kids. Yep, very high expectations and she is just texing. Beth, before every date, gets anxious and loses her cool vibe. Beth is online dating for the last three years and doesn’t understand why it is not working for her.
There are a few ways to make online dating a fun experience without getting upset or depressed.
You started texting and then it is a fun conversation? The person on the other side seems interesting and you would like to know more? There is nothing like a face to face meeting to see where it goes – and it should happen quickly. For those who are looking for rules: three to four days of texting are more than enough. Go out and meet – what’s the worst thing that can happen?
I mentioned “Too Seriously” – for example, somebody ghosted you after a few days of great texting. It hurts a little, but… wait! They don’t really know you and you don’t really know them. So don’t take it so seriously and go and listen to “Thank you next.“
Shopping lists vs. Values. Open your mind and your dating profile to different people. You can never know who will you meet. At the same time, make sure your values are clear. Values are specific beliefs about what is important and unimportant, good and bad, right and wrong
Example, I believe that it is wrong for a man, in his early fifties, not to have a steady job and live in his parents’ mother in law unit, while saving money for his next tattoo. I know, my values are weird.
Once I allowed myself to open my mind, identify and stick to my values but not to my shopping list, I met some interesting people. The truth, first glance in their online profile picture did not spark much of an interest and they didn’t look visually “my type,” but meeting them face to face and walking around Greenlane together, suddenly presented them in a different light. I enjoyed a lovely time and with a few of them also an LTR.
Give a brownie point to someone who took the time and filled out their profile information and their pictures are up to date. A blank profile says something about the person behind it – serious it is not.
And last but not least – if you open up your app and what comes to your mind is: “Oy Vey” you might need some time off from online dating. Go do things you love, new things you never did before, join a meetup of fun people that share the same interests that you do – try go organically, put yourself out there physically. One thing to remember – online dating is like a bazaar. Things change all the time and people come and go from different reasons. Make sure you find the app that works for you and you feel comfortable with – Tinder vs. Bumble for example. Some apps do not let you write a long profile and others do. My favorite app, OK Cupid, also asks you a ton of questions. Try and see what works better for you and remember all the time: don’t take it seriously. Go out and have fun first of all.