You get a Hi from a guy on your online dating account – and that’s it.
I used to get a lot of “Hi” messages to my online dating account on OK Cupid. That’s it – just “Hi.”
At first, I used to answer back “Hi,” or “Yes?”
The next message was usually “How are you?” My answer “Good and you?”
It sounds boring – and it was.
I really appreciated the guys that were creative enough to write “Hi,” introduce themselves and engage me into an interesting discussion. But that didn’t mean that the standalone “Hi” guys were ignored.
I reviewed every profile a “Hi” was sent from and decided if I want to continue the discussion or not – on the spot decision – ‘I don’t think we have a match.’ Why waste your time and the other person’s time, if you don’t feel something interesting will come out of it?
The ones that started a real discussion got my attention, as a discussion was going on. It did not matter that the picture was not so great, the fact that the guy had something to say was a great start.
But – as everything in life – there is no one cookie cutter, right?
I remember this specific “Hi” I got from a man – later on, will be remembered as Mike Motek (Hebrew = Honey/Sweetie) – story #11 in the book. Mike did not write more than two sentences together, and usually finished his sentences with “LOL.”
I hated it! Yes, I know I’m funny, but I am not THAT funny. I told him that. So, he started finishing his sentences with hahaha. Smart ass. I did not enjoy our texting and was very close to dropping this conversation.
Saturday was approaching and Mr. LOL/hahaha asked me out for dinner. He was my last choice to choose from, and frankly my only choice for that Saturday, so I decided to say yes.
That date changed my mind about the “Hi” and who sends those messages.
I met a very good looking man, a great conversation took place, and Motek admitted that he has dyslexia, and is struggling to communicate through texts that are more than two to three sentences. In his professional life, Mike was a Navy engineer and amazing with numbers and technical information, but that’s it – his writing skills were awful and he did not even try to fix it – “it is what it is” he said to me.
We started dating on a regular base, his text messages stayed short and LOL was ending most of his sentences, or a big smiley emojis. At one point Mike even started to learn Hebrew, to greet me in the mornings and show that he cares to learn about me and my heritage. It was sweet and very appreciated from my side. I knew that he is trying hard to get over his lifetime challenges, and I was very impressed by his efforts.
It thought me a very important lesson – give “Hi” a chance.
Don’t be fast to dismiss a “Hi” that comes to you. Men are not as communicative as women and they “poke” and see who gets back to them, before they put more effort into the discussion. From the men’s side, I believe that a “Hi” from a woman is a great start – guys love it! Although, I don’t know many women who will just send a “Hi.” I just asked my husband if he ever got a “Hi” from a woman. His answer: “Women don’t send “Hi” – they never approach men.”
On my side – I was always worried about my grammar and Hibrish sentences (Hebrew plus English,) but it never stopped me. It usually gave me and the person I was texting a good laugh. Oh, I did approach men that looked interesting – more on that next time.
July 24th, 2018, summer has finally arrived in Seattle.
I think that my best online dating experience usually took place during the summer. People feel like going out, the weather allows you to plan a different kind of activities, and there are so many layers you can wear, which means that most of us decide to start a diet. I said “Decide” – I did not say Start.
Summer dates opened a new world of surprises and attractions for me. I wanted to go out, attend music festivals, farmers market, have a picnic by the lake, you name it. Just get out of the house and do things.
One of the Mikes suggested a visit to an outdoor Shooting Range.
The last time I touched a gun, was during my service in the IDF. I didn’t pay much attention to it, as I knew I’m not going to use it after the boot camp phase. And I did not.
This time, I was very serious and paid a lot of attention to the instructions – it was interesting.
Gunshot Mike brought five different guns/pistols you name it and was very proud to explain about each one of them and how to use it. I listened carefully and seriously. This was no joke.
I had to be quiet and hold still for a few minutes to get myself to the right mindset and… shoot.
IT WAS GREAT! I was so good that even Gunshot Mike did not believe that I did not touch a rifle for more than 30 years. It was a fun date, and I learned something new – I like shooting. I like this “alone” time which you need to concentrate and clear your mind from everything but one thing: aim to the target and shoot when you are ready.
The same works for online dating – you aim at what you want, and you shoot. Your online profile is your magic bullet, and the fun thing is that you can adjust and modify it whenever you feel the need to do so.
Which brings me to the next question – what’s your favorite activity, when you go on a first date?
2015 – 4th of July – I have two dates planned.
Mike #79’s schedule has changed, and I’m about to meet Mike #80 first.
2018 – 4th of July – Mike #80 is my husband. We got married a year and a half ago. We say “I love you,” every night before we go to sleep, and when sometimes I don’t Mike #80 is not upset. He knows I’m crazy… and then Mike #80 will tell a joke, and I will hold his hand close to my heart, and promise him that it is ok, some people somewhere think it is funny. I know, I’m cruel.
But this is really what being together is all about – right?
We all have our “Shticks” in life – and the question is: Do you want/can live with mine? And me with yours?
When starting to date, some of these Shticks are hiding, but they cannot hide for long. It is not about me wanting to change you – but about you want to change – and vice versa.
My biggest decision is to take a deep breath, and not say a word for five whole minutes, just let the storm clear.
4th of July became our Online Dating anniversary. Very cool, I think 😊 hard to forget.
My first blog.
I have so much to say – where do I start?
Yes, I published my first book, Around Seattle in 80 Dates, this is where it
started. I suddenly found out that I have experience, ideas, and methods that
proved themselves. Online Dating – a world of its own.
Relationships, another world that is being analyzed and investigated forever.
A world that is changing all the time – who moved my cheese, again?
You wake up with the same cheese every morning, are you still ok with the
smell? How does it work to be together forever – I’m a monogamist, so that’s it,
the same one dish until I die.
It worked for me; it can work for others.
What if it will not?
So what? You have to do something, so at least you tried, and something good
will come out of it – better than watching TV, I keep saying.
I like to think outside of the box, and most of the books I read are about self-
development and how to live your life better. I find that I learn something new
from each book, and integrate it into my life in some way.
I change every day.
I’m inviting you to join the journey.
Questions, challenges, thoughts are always welcome.
If you are a Politically Correct person, I have to warn you – I’m Not.
I’m blunt and believe in saying things in your face – in a nice way, but with no BS.
Tough love, some might say. I am just me – honest – and this is something I
don’t want to change.
